My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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