There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
