i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
