sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
