direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
