I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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