When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize