I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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