Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
