Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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