i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
