i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
