When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
