found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
