I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
