so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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