so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
