If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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