legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
