my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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