I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
