She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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