yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
