That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dick has a subreddit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
