I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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