Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
