yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
