Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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