Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
