Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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