I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
