Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
