I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
