So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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