So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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