thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
