In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she told me i tasted like america
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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