Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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