Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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