I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
