So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
