I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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