her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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