The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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