he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
