Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize