so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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