she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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