he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
