Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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