take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
