apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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