1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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