Acid is not a monday night drug
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
