I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
