peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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