I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
