I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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