You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
