it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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