barbara walters just said penis...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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