I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
